REAL Mixed-Neurological Relationships Values:

1. We believe that all people are of equal worth and value, regardless of neurological differences. We believe in neurodiversity.
2. We adjust our understandings based on what research tells us about mixed-neurological relationships.
3. We believe mental health professionals, families, communities, religious leaders and society need a better understanding of mixed-neurological marriages so that both partners’ needs and concerns are believed and taken seriously and so that both partners are supported equally.
4. We believe that all marriages and intimate adult relationships should be relationships of equality.
5. We believe that the perspectives of both spouses are equally valuable.
6. We seek to support both members of mixed-neurological marriages without favouring the typically developing spouse or the spouse with autism.
7. We believe that both members of all marriages need and deserve emotional support from their spouses.
8. We believe that both members of all marriages need and deserve to share emotional and sexual intimacy with their spouses.
9. We believe that the neurological incompatibilities in mixed-neurological marriages affect communication and social interaction between the spouses and can cause distress in both partners and their children.
10. We believe both partners in mixed-neurological marriages are vulnerable to trauma in their relationships.
11. We believe that mixed-neurological marriages are vulnerable to domestic abuse.
12. We believe that domestic abuse, whether physical, verbal, psychological, sexual or financial, is unacceptable.
13. We believe that using money or children to coerce a spouse to consent sexually is a form of sexual assault.
14. We believe every individual has an inherent right to choose when to enter a marriage and when to leave a marriage.
15. We believe that using money or children to coerce a spouse to stay in a marriage is unethical and destructive to individuals, families, children, communities and society.
16. We believe that encouraging others to stay in marriages that include domestic abuse is unethical and harmful to individuals, families, children, communities and society.
17. We believe that the claim that divorce is always bad for children is false.
18. We believe the divorce process can be particularly difficult for mixed-neurological couples.
19. We believe religious leaders can improve their communities through learning about mixed-neurological marriage and divorce and providing support to both partners regardless of the decisions they make.
20. We believe that legislators and court officials need a better understanding of mixed-neurological divorce in order to design and implement procedures that protect families from unnecessary distress.
21. We believe attorneys often unknowingly take advantage of autism during high-conflict divorce and that autism education could help attorneys make ethical decisions that support mixed-neurological families.
22. We believe that both partners should leave divorce as financial equals and that laws that work to ensure children are well taken care of after divorce are paramount.
23. We believe that married people, divorced people, and single people all have equal worth and value.

Anne is a founding member of REAL: Research and Education about Autism and Love